The Teen Titans vs Hurricane Buttercup
by Nimrochan
Summary: (OLD WRITING PIECE) The Teen Titans are trapped indoors for hours. Madness ensues. I guarantee you will laugh out loud at some point in this story. Warning: may cause you to fall off your chair laughing, as it did to one of my more unfortunate reviewers. I eat flamers.
1. The Commercials

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Teen Titans, the Simpsons, Pizza Hut, Diet Coke, Justice League, Donald Duck, or . The hurricane's unique name, however, belongs to me.

**Note: **Most of these events happened in my household during Hurricane Frances and… well, we were VERY bored. Also, I feel kind of bad because a lot of people get hurt and/or lose their homes during hurricanes, but this is a light fic that's about the Teen Titans and how they deal with being stuck together for hours. I figured I couldn't deny people this comedy. Please enjoy!

**6:23 p.m.**

All the windows at the Titan Tower were boarded up with plywood. Inside, the Teen Titans waited for the raging Hurricane Buttercup outside to pass. Fortunately, the T.V. was still working. They were all sitting on the couch watching it.

"Watch, they're gonna show this commercial again," said Robin.

**6:24 p.m.**

"See? I told you they were gonna show this commercial again," said Robin. "They always show that damn Pizza Hut commercial twice every commercial break during the 'Simpsons.' It's really annoying."

"We know, Robin," said Cyborg. "You've said that 5 times already."

**6:25 p.m.**

"You realize that's 5 times they repeated that commercial during 'The Simpsons?'" said Robin. "That's ten Pizza Hut commercials for one show! Ten!"

"Shut up, Robin," warned Cyborg.

**6:26 p.m.**

"Are they trying to brainwash people with that stupid music or what?" persisted Robin. "I really hate that commercial."

"Robin, you are seriously testing my patience," said Cyborg acidly.

"Okay, okay," said Robin. "'The Simpsons' are over anyway."

Cyborg resisted the urge to punch Robin in the face for making him miss the ending of 'The Simpsons.' He began switching through the channels to find something to watch.

**6:28 p.m.**

"I mean, how to they expect us to order pizza during a hurricane? Are they mocking us?"

"DAMNIT, ROBIN," yelled Cyborg.

I will update when I have NO LESS than 5 reviews!


	2. Diet Coke

**7:36 p.m.**

While the others watched television, Raven got up and looked in the fridge for something to eat. "Um . . . Beast Boy? Didn't you go shopping for supplies?" she asked.

"Um . . . yeah," said Beast Boy in a tone that suggested he knew this was going to happen and could've prevented it but didn't. "Yeah, I did."

"Beast Boy, we have, like, half a gallon of water. Where's the rest of it?" asked Raven.

A sweat drop appeared on Beast Boy's face. "Um . . . well . . . heh . . . the funny thing is, they ran out of water," he said.

"Beast Boy, how many times have I told you to_ not_ go shopping for supplies at the last minute?" said Raven in a pained voice.

"I didn't go at the last minute," said Beast Boy. "More like the last day. Besides, I bought lots of Coke." Raven _did_ notice they had more Coke than usual.

"Beast Boy," she said through gritted teeth, "what are we supposed to do if the hurricane cuts off our water supply?"

"Oh, don't worry, I thought of that," said Beast Boy. "I bought _Diet _Coke. There's no sugar in it, so it won't be sticky."

"So you're telling us," said Raven, her temper rising dangerously, "that if we lose our water supply, we'll have to bathe ourselves in Diet Coke?" The other Teen Titans, sensing danger, moved away from Beast Boy.

"Well, yea- AAAAARGH!!!" Raven levitated the supply of Diet Coke and threw it all at Beast Boy. He wasn't hurt, but no one helped him put the Diet Coke back because they knew he deserved it.

**Note: **This really did happen in my household (except for the levitating Diet Coke bit). It was very funny at the time (after the hurricane), so I hope you found it funny as well. If you didn't, well, the other chapters should be funnier (and hopefully longer). If you want more, then REVIEW.


	3. The Internet

**Note:** I just saw the first episode of Malcolm in the Middle today!!!!! Suddenly the characters are so tiny!!!!! THEY'RE ALL SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE CHIBIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Too much chocolate today.) Um . . . heh . . . _ahem_ . . . yes, well, on with the fic!_ ****_

**8:01 p.m.**

Surprised at himself, Cyborg grew bored of watching T.V. He gave the remote to Robin, who was in a kind of trance, watching the television set. Cyborg then abandoned the others on the couch to surf the net on the nearby computer.

**8:03 p.m.**

"Hey, Robin!" said Cyborg.

"No," said Robin dully.

"You know what I've just found out on the Internet?" continued Cyborg.

"No," said Robin dully.

"Our headquarters have been attacked 16 times this year, while the Justice League's headquarters have been attacked only twice," said Cyborg.

"Fascinating," said Robin dully.

"Why have we been attacked so many times?" asked Cyborg.

"Because we live in a giant 'T'," said Robin dully.

"Oh," said Cyborg. "We should change that . . . ."

"You'd think we'd be more secretive," inquired Beast Boy. "I mean, we make a lot of enemies."

"Yeah," said Robin dully, thus ending the conversation on the subject.

**8:10 p.m.**

"Hey guys, ya know what else I found out?" said Cyborg.

"No," said everyone dully.

"There's a country that banned the Donald Duck cartoons," said Cyborg.

"Why?" asked Robin, vaguely interested.

"Because he wears no pants!" said Cyborg, laughing.

Robin paused for a moment to allow his dormant brain to absorb this. "But he's a _duck_," he said, more confused than amused (no pun intended).

"I know, right?" said Cyborg, laughing harder still. He was the only one laughing; Raven never laughs, of course, and the other three were just baffled.

"Who is this 'Donald Duck,' and why does he not wear pants?" asked Starfire.

"He's a cartoon character, and he doesn't need any pants," said Beast Boy, who sounded a bit offended. "Sheesh, these people sound so conservative. Do they go around putting clothes on animals?" Cyborg laughed even harder. The other Titans, however, became nauseous as they realized that Beast Boy runs around naked when in animal form.

**Note: **I didn't mention this country because I was afraid of offending someone. Anyway, I'd like to apologize to Starfire fans . . . I'll try to put her in more scenes. BUT ONLY IF YOU REVIEW!!!!!!!


	4. BB's Abilities

**Note: **AAAAARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANOTHER DAMN HURRICANE!!!!!!!!!!!! XO I don't want to go through another night like that. Well, at least maybe I'll find more to put in this story. . . Anyway, I still have more stuff I want to put here. Some is written, the rest is in my head. You'll love the ending.

Also, I'd like to thank a few people:

**Jetkitty2001: **You've reviewed my story after I asked you to. Everyone else from school that I asked to review said they would but **didn't.** For that, young insane Inuyasha fan, I thank thee.

She showed up to school the other day with Inuyasha ears. (Must . . . rub . . . ears . . . .) :p

**Raven A. Star: **Thanks for being a frequent reviewer! Even if it is only 3 chapters so far.

If anyone is really into Teen Titans (which you probably are), she has, like, 37 TT stories and counting (wow).

**Alyssa8 reborn: **Your words of encouragement make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. _Sniffle_

**TheDarkAzar: **Sorry, I only have only _Diet_ Coke. Leftovers from the storm.

****

I'd thank more, but I know that I'm probably boring you all. So a big thank you and hug to all the other reviewers! On with the story!

**8:32 p.m.**

"Hey Beast Boy," said Robin.

"What?" said Beast Boy.

"Can you turn into a unicorn?" asked Robin.

"No," said Beast Boy.

**8:35 p.m.**

"Why?" asked Robin.

"Why what?" asked Beast Boy.

"Why can't you turn into a unicorn?" asked Robin.

"I can't turn into anything that doesn't exist," said Beast Boy.

"But why can you not turn into a unicorn?" asked Starfire, interested in the conversation. She had just read about unicorns and was rather fond of them; she planned on adopting one, which would be named Glorglepuff.

"Um . . . Star? Unicorns don't exist," said Robin.

"They . . . they do not?" asked Starfire.

"No," said Robin.

"Are you certain?" asked Starfire.

"Yeah," said Robin

"I see," said Starfire sadly. She got up and went upstairs. No one noticed because they were still entranced by the T.V. When Starfire reached her room, she went to a shelf, pulled out a book called _Fairy Tales for Dummies_, and destroyed it yelling "TIS A BOOK OF LIES!" Then she went back downstairs to join the others, crying silently.

**8:41 p.m.**

"Dinosaurs," said Robin suddenly.

"What?" asked Beast Boy.

"Dinosaurs don't exist," said Robin, "but you can turn into dinosaurs."

"Oh . . . well, I can turn into anything that existed at one point or another," said Beast Boy.

"Oh," said Robin.

**8:44 p.m.**

"It's not such a big deal," said Robin. "It's just a horse with a horn-"

"-That doesn't exist-"

"-Can't you just, like, turn into a horse and grow a rhino horn or something?" said Robin.

"Dude, I can't just mess with my DNA like that," said Beast Boy. "I could explode."

"Ew," said Robin.

Starfire was having a violent vision of Glorglepuff exploding out of existence.

**Note: **To tell you the truth, I'm kind of afraid that this chapter isn't that funny . . . please review and give me your opinion. I'll try to post another one up tomorrow.


	5. A Heated Debate

**Note: **Sorry that took so long! I had a lot of homework, plus I wanted to make sure this fic was good (in other words, writer's block). Anyway, thank you all for your honest reviews! I have so many! (Probably because of the hurricane's name. I was watching "The Princess Bride" and I thought, "What if a hurricane was named 'Buttercup?'")

As for DarkXeno's comment, yes, these conversations really did take place (except for the Glorglepuff bit).

As for Goatman, THE HECK YOU WON'T READ THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS! I'LL _MAKE _YOU READ THEM! EVEN IF I HAVE TO GLUE THEM TO YOUR FACE!

_Glues Harry Potter book on Goatman's face._

And as for the suggestions I got, well, like I said, most of this story is already planned out. I'll try to consider them, but no promises. Oh yeah, and I don't own The Little Mermaid.

**9:18 p.m.**

Raven could've slapped Starfire for taking the remote and switching it on a channel featuring "The Little Mermaid." Now Robin and Cyborg wouldn't shut up. . . .

"Look," said Robin, "Mermaids can't breathe oxygen! The nose is just there! The nostrils might even be gills!"

"I still don't think that makes any sense!" said Cyborg. "If the upper body is human, then surely Mermaids have lungs?"

"That doesn't make any sense either!" said Robin. "If she has lungs then where are the gills? Fish have gills in the upper part of their bodies, and Mermaids don't have that part!"

"Well, she could have gills under her ears or something," said Cyborg, "but she _does_ have nostrils, ya know. Therefore, she must have lungs!"

"What would she need lungs for? She lives underwater!" argued Robin.

"I don't know! To stick her head out so she can observe the world above water, I guess," said Cyborg.

"So what!" said Robin. "People go swimming and they don't have gills!"

"Yeah well, they just didn't evolve to have gills yet," said Cyborg.

"Then what makes you think Mermaids are more evolved than humans?" asked Robin.

Cyborg thought for a moment. "Fish have been on this planet for _way_ longer than humans have," he said. "Mermaids _could_ have both gills and lungs. Lungfish do."

"You are forgetting that half of this 'fish' is a primate," said Robin with the air of a Harvard professor.

"And you two are forgetting that Mermaids don't exist," interrupted Raven, eager for them to shut up.

"We know that!" said Robin, while Starfire was having yet another violent vision of a would-be friend exploding out of existence. "We were speaking hypothetically, of course-"

"Hold on, hold on," said Cyborg. "How do we know that Mermaids don't exist? An estimated 90 to 95 percent of the ocean remains unexplored today. No one could dive in real deep 'cause the water pressure would crush them-" he was then crushed by the pressure of the supply of Diet Coke.

**Note:** And I want to be a marine biologist. . . ._shakes head. _Anyway,I don't care what anyone thinks; I thought this part was hilarious. FLAMERS WILL BE IGNORED! Also, it might take a while before I update again. So much homework! TTTT Plus, Hurricane Ivan and Jeanne seem to be doing a loop-de-loop back to Florida, AND THERE ARE 3 MORE HURRICANES FORMING!!! _Rips hair out. _

**Next Chapter: **More on Robin's obsessive hatred for commercials.


	6. Commercials I Hate list

**Note: **_Finally!I'm done with that stupid project!!!!!!_Perhaps taking all honors classes was not such a good idea. But at least I'm doing a lot better in Algebra 2! It's as if my brain is saying, "Let me help you with that, because I'm not helping you with Chemistry."

Yes, the Mermaid conversation _did _take place. It was much funnier at the time . . . we were yelling at each other for at least an hour. Well, here's the next chapter. Please enjoy.

**10:05 p.m.**

"I hate this commercial," said Robin.

"You said that about the last commercial," said Cyborg exasperatedly.

"I hated that one, too," said Robin. "Oh, look at this one. The narrator's gonna yell- listen-wait-wait-there! You hear that? Isn't that annoying?"

"I know of one thing that's really annoying," said Cyborg.

"That commercial is definitely going on the list," said Robin, ignoring him.

"What list?" asked Beast Boy.

"My 'Commercials I Hate' list," said Robin, as though this was the most normal thing in the world.

"Oh," said Beast Boy, "and . . . um . . . what do you do with the commercials on your 'Commercials I Hate' list?"

"I HATE THEM!!!" yelled Robin, twitching slightly. Starfire and Raven, who were sitting at either side of him, scooted away from him a little.

**"**_Ooookay_," said Beast Boy.

**10:07 p.m.**

"I kind of like this commercial," said Robin as a commercial for ice-cream came on. He liked ice-cream.

"Do you have a 'Commercials I Like' list?" asked Beast Boy.

"No . . . but I have a 'Commercials I Kind Of Like' list," said Robin.

"I bet it's short," muttered Cyborg.

"And what do you do with the commercials on your 'Commercials I Kind Of Like' list?" asked Beast Boy, bracing himself for a possible scream.

"I don't hate them _that _much," said Robin.

". . . . Oh," said Beast Boy.

**10:09 p.m.**

"Hey . . . check out what's on," said Cyborg. "The Exorcist" had just started on one of the movie channels.

"Sweet!" said Beast Boy.

"What is this 'Exorcist' movie?" asked Starfire, worried; the types of movies BB liked were usually "just plain freaky."

"Um . . . it's about unicorns," said Beast Boy.

"Really?" said Starfire, excited now.

"Yeah," said Beast Boy, "yeah really."

"Change it," said Robin suddenly.

"Why?" asked Cyborg.

"They show too many commercials," said Robin.

"Oh come on!" said Cyborg.

"They do!" said Robin. "They show a commercial break every 2 minutes! And they're so long that you forget what you were watching! Do you know what it's like to constantly forget something? It'll drive you crazy!"

"_You're_ driving me crazy!" said Cyborg. "We're watching it! End of s- hey!"

Raven took the remote from him and changed the channel.

"What's the big id-"

"Do you honestly want him to start on commercials again?" whispered Raven. Cyborg let it go. Starfire slumped in her seat. Her emotions harmed yet again by that foul, wretched book . . . .

**10:18 p.m.**

"What's on the top of your "Commercials I Hate List?" asked Beast Boy, curious.

"The 'Dr. Pepper' commercials," said Robin immediately. "_Always_ with their stupid songs getting stuck in my head and keeping me up all night!" Raven and Starfire hastily moved a few more inches away from him. "How the heck do they 'salute individuality'? They're just sodas! How do they 'promote originality'? They taste just like Coke and Pepsi! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!?" The girls moved an entire foot away from him.

"Dude," said Cyborg, "what is wrong with _you_?"

"Lots of things . . ." said Robin sadly.

"Um . . . perhaps we should turn the T.V. off?" suggested Starfire.

"No," suggested everyone else, except Raven.

"Well . . . there's nothing good on, anyway," she said.

"We are _not_ shutting the T.V. off!" said Cyborg resolutely.

"Yeah!" said Beast Boy. "And besides, we should be glad we even _have_ T.V."

Suddenly, (and predictably,) the electricity went out.

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin.

**Note: **I don't own "The Exorcist" or Pepsi (just in case).


	7. Finding Food

**Note:** When I was 8, my sister told me that "The Exorcist" was about Mermaids . . . . I still carry the emotional scars (I thought Unicorns were better fit for that part). Yes, me and Daph are highly psychotic. For example, the other day she spoke to my CD player in a French accent. As she took out my CD, she said "What iz dis garbage she haz put in your mouth?" LOL. Go ahead. Read her review, if you can find it. You shall be quite amused.

Anywho, a couple of notes to some reviewers:

**TheDarkAzar: **Sorry, now we only have water. My mom decided to shop early for once, and the hurricane didn't even come this time.

**Rose:** I am _so glad_ that I'm not the only person with a "Commercials I Hate" list! Good for you!

**Mew-xena: **Geometry's 's Algebra 1 and 2 that will kill you. And Chemistry will just _eat you alive._ (Pessimistic, aren't I? Please don't take me seriously.)

**Melissa:** _Dude._ You eat hurricanes? That's not right in so many ways . . . .

Can you imagine digesting it?

**Wild Spirit of Darkness2: **Thanks for the suggestions! They were really funny!

**Tigress419:** You should be more worried about the fact that they're in a tower on a rock in the ocean during a hurricane. You should be more worried about the fact that _they live in a giant "T"_ _(I love italics)._

**BeastBoyluver: **DUDE!!!!! THAT'D BE SO AWESOME!!!!! I'd be honored if you made a comic out of this. I'd do it myself, but I couldn't draw stick figures to save my own life. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention earlier that one of your reviews made me LOL. You know, the one with BB in a cage under your bed . . . J

**Slade:** _Who are you?!_ WHERE ARE YOU HIDING GOATMAN?! WHY DIDN'T YOU LEAVE A GOOD REVIEW?!!! I WILL FIND YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!!!!

_Pulls on Robin costume and runs out the door. _

_Comes back 5 minutes later, realizing she has a chapter to finish._

Um . . . heh . . . A BIG HUG and thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm so glad that I was able to make you all laugh. On with the fic! (4 or 5 more chapters after this, in case you wanted to know.)

PS- I guarantee you will see that commercial fixation in some of my other fics. BECAUSE I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

**10:19 p.m. **

"WHY?!" cried Robin, who was kneeling in front of the T.V. screen, sobbing his eyes out.

"Okay, let's not panic, everyone!" said Beast Boy. "Maybe we all just went blind at once!"

Cyborg turned on a flashlight installed in his arm (good old Cy . . . always prepared) and looked at Beast Boy reproachfully.

"Okay," said Beast Boy, "maybe not . . . ."

"Are you suggesting that it would have been better if we all just went blind?" said Cyborg.

"No!" said Beast Boy, "but at least we'd still have T.V."

A bottle of Diet Coke hit Beast Boy in the back of his head, seemingly of its own accord.

"Ow! Who threw that?!" yelled Beast Boy.

"WHY'D THE T.V. HAVE TO GO?!" sobbed Robin.

"Man, you just had to open your big, fat mouth, didn't you?" said Cyborg accusingly.

"Oh, come on!" he said. "Do you guys honestly believe I jinxed it?"

Everyone looked at him accusingly.

"C'mon guys," said Beast Boy. "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

**10:20 p.m.**

"Beast Boy," said Raven, "that doesn't make any sense."

"I'm sorry!" screamed Robin. "Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry! I know now that commercials are needed to support T.V.! I understand now! Commercials are good! T.V. is good! PLEASE BRING THE T.V. BACK!!!" He then continued to sob, his face pressed against the cold T.V. screen.

Raven cast her head down sadly and shook her head. What a loss . . . . Robin was the most intelligent member of the Teen Titans. He was in a world of his own now.

"Oh, get a grip on yourself, man!" said Cyborg, also irritated at the sudden loss of the T.V.

"Yes, Robin. Please calm down," said Starfire, hovering over to him and putting her hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. Everything's gonna be alright."

"_(Sniffle)_. . . . okay," said Robin, sounding like a toddler.

"Wonderful!" exclaimed Starfire. "Perhaps now is a good time to eat?"

For the past 5 hours, she and the others had been eating nothing but potato chips and marshmallows; she was craving for a warm meal.

"Yeah," said Cyborg. "Hey, Beast Boy! Do we have any pizza?"

"Um . . . sure," said Beast Boy apprehensively.

Cyborg walked over to the fridge and opened it.

"Uh, BB?" he asked. "You said we had pizza." He turned to face Beast Boy. "I don't see any pizza."

"We have pizza!" said Beast Boy. "We have lots of pizza, here in America."

**Note: **I know this is short, but I'm tired and I'll have the next chapter up tomorrow, I swear. Besides, I thought that abrupt ending was funny.

and YAY!!!! I'M GONNA BE AN AUNTY!!!! XD


	8. Finding Food 2

**Note to sexyredhead: **Gollum? LOL!

**The Unforgivable:** Dude, you _also_ have a "Commercials I Hate" list? That is so cool! You, me, and Rose should get together and try to banish the evil things FOREVER! BUAHAHAHAHA!

**10:21 p.m.**

"Dude," said Cyborg, "you're a dead man."

"They ran out of pizza, okay!" said Beast Boy frantically. "But I bought other food!"

"Yeah, I see it!" said Cyborg. "All you got is junk food and that vegan stuff!" For the first time in his life, he just wasn't in the mood for junk food.

"You're kidding me," said Raven as she floated over to the fridge and peered inside.

"I know, right?" said Cyborg. "No meat at all!"

"It's not that," said Raven. "Tofu, vegan hamburgers, _vegetarian steak_ . . . BB, all of these need to be _cooked_."

"So?" said Beast Boy.

"_So_," said Raven, "we have no electricity to cook them!"

All of the Teen Titans stared at Beast Boy (except Robin, who was still on the floor next to the T.V; no T.V. and no meat . . . he considered just killing himself now.)

"But surely we do not need to cook these foods?" asked Starfire. Personally, she thought that everything tasted much better raw.

**10:22 p.m.**

"Um, Starfire?" asked Raven. "How many times have we told you? Our stomachs are not designed to digest certain raw foods."

"Yeah, so you can have it," said Cyborg.

"Really?" asked Starfire.

"Knock yourself out."

"Oh, joy!" She then proceeded to eat all of the vegan food in an animalistic manner (ironic, isn't it?).

Meanwhile, Raven and Cyborg turned back to Beast Boy, very angry, and very hungry.

"And _you!_" said Cyborg.

Raven's eyes were flashing. "You idiotic, unintelligent little-"

"Hey, hey hey!" Beast Boy cut her off. "I resent that! Just because I'm not intelligent, doesn't mean I'm not smart!"

They advanced on him, Raven's eyes bright red, and Cyborg aiming his arm canon at him.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" screamed Starfire suddenly. She was coughing. "What is this that tastes of the digestive fluids of a sknogthortboogie?" She looked at the pack of jelly beans she was holding. She usually _loved_ jelly beans- why did they suddenly taste like the digestive fluids of a sknogthortboogie?

"Let me see that," said Raven, taking it from Starfire.

"Ha ha ha! She must have found Harry Potter's Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Jelly Beans!" said Beast Boy, glad of the momentary distraction. "I bet she ate a vomit-flavored one!" Perhaps they'd be too amused to punish him now?

Raven looked at the list of flavors. "Grass, Sardine, Earwax, _Vomit_ . . ." she said. "This is when you know a country is bored with its food; when it starts making vomit-flavored candy."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Beast Boy. "Who knew Rae could be so funny?"

"BB," said Cyborg, "please tell me you bought something that doesn't need to be cooked and that doesn't taste nasty."

"Um . . . ." said Beast Boy. Raven and Cyborg were advancing on him again.

**Note:** No offense to vegans. Yay vegans! I was going to make this and chapter 7 into one whole chapter, but I got tired and impatient. Sorry for the shortness. Oh, and I don't own Harry Potter's Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (I need to stop forgetting to do that).

P.S.- Did you guys see that episode with Mad Mod taking over America? They crossed Teen Titans with Monty Python! THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLY AWESOME!XD


	9. Tempers Rise

**Note to people who've never seen Monty Python: **YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON GREATNESS!

I get all my inspiration from Monty Python. Random British humor! Alright!

**Um . . . other note: **I can't believe so many people have a "Commercials I Hate" list! I feel like I'm really touching people. _Sniffle._

**Note to Shadowfirethedemonchild**: Funny you should ask about all of Robin's problems. I must confess that he is based a little on me. He's my favorite character, so I made him my victim. MUAHAHAHAHA! (Remember; there's a thin line between genius and insanity).

I wonder why I've never had a boyfriend? Sad world, sad world . . . .

**Note to Randomizer: **LOL! LMAO! ROFL! That was so . . . so random! _Gasp!_ I get it now! _Randomizer!_ HA HA HA!!!

**Note Wild Spirit of Darkness2: **No, I haven't been stalking anyone lately . . . . The only person I'd stalk is Legolas. What? I'm only human! I cannot resist his eternal beauty! I like your suggestions, but the windows are boarded up, remember? I've kinda-sorta tried, though!

ONWARDS!

**10:23 p.m.**

"Guys, hold on, hold on," said Beast Boy, backing away from his ominous friends while holding his hands up. "I have an explanation!"

"You do?" asked Cyborg.

"Yeah guys, give me a chance to explain!"

"Alright," said Raven, "then explain."

"Um . . . well . . . you see . . . OH MY GOSH! IS THAT SLADE STEALING OUR SATELLITE DISH?!" He pointed behind them. They turned to look at the windows, which were still boarded up, as Beast Boy turned into a rat and ran away.

"How can you see him when-" Cyborg realized too late that he had been tricked. "That green little blob of slime! I can't believe he did that! When I get my hands on his scrawny little neck, I'm gonna-"

"Please! Let us stop fighting," said Starfire.

"Yeah," agreed Raven. "We need to stay calm."

"Stop fighting?! Stay calm?! You realize we're gonna starve now because of him?!"

"Well, maybe if you didn't send someone as unreliable as Beast Boy to go shopping for supplies . . .!!!" countered Raven "And Robin-" she turned to Robin- "will you _please _get away from that television set?! It's not healthy!"

"NEVER!!" cried Robin. "It's mine! My own! My precious . . . yes, my precious . . . ."

". . . ." said everyone else.

**10:24 p.m.**

"Well, at least BB didn't eat all our junk food!" yelled Cyborg.

"What?" asked Raven.

"I'm talking about _you_, Star!" He turned to face Starfire.

"What? I do not understand-"

"You were supposed to eat the vegan stuff _only_! Suddenly you're eating jellybeans!" He went to the fridge and opened the door. "There's nothing in here but Diet Coke! Those jellybeans may have been the last edible substance in this place!"

". . . Oops," said Starfire.

"Hey," said Robin, making the others jump; they didn't even notice him walking over to them. He faced Raven. "Can you fix it . . ." (he momentarily forgot her name) ". . . Raven?"

"Fix what?" asked Raven.

"The T.V."

"How would I know how to fix it?"

"_You have dark magical powers_," said Robin, the slight madness returning to his voice.

"I can't fix it!"

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE I'M HAVING SPIRITUAL CONSTIPATION RIGHT NOW!!!"

"_Now _who's staying calm?!" exclaimed Cyborg.

"OH SHUT UP!" A nearby bottle of Diet Coke exploded.

"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO-"

"YOU ARE ALL ACTING LIKE UNZAMPIFIED FLEMGORGS!"

"WHY WON'T YOU FIX THE T.V.?"

Outside, Hurricane Buttercup raged on.

**Note: **I know this chapter was short and kinda-sorta- not funny, but it was necessary! If you think you've seen madness up to this point . . . boy are you in for a surprise.

Oh, and if you're wondering why this story is starting to go one minute at a time, it's to show how slowly time is passing, as it does with hurricanes.

_. . . . Funny visions of Slade sneaking off with satellite dish. . . . ._


	10. The Tribes

**Note:** Okay, some of you will call this chappie stupid, others will call it a comedic masterpiece. Depends on what type of humor you like. It's kind of weird, so bear with me.

Some comments to reviewers:

**Appearer:** DUDE! I LOVE YOU!

**Wild Spirit of Darkness2: **Don't worry, all of your reviews are highly amusing. I liked your Slade idea. I kinda-sorta- used it. Oh, and I also put a warning in the fic's summary to prevent unfortunate accidents like yours from happening again :p

**Total Goth Girl:** Curse you for using an advertisement in your review! (Just kidding.)

**MIDNIGHT**

It was very dark inside the Titan Tower. The place was a horrible mess- Diet Coke, clothes, and vegan food were strewn everywhere on the floor and furniture.

The 2-and-a-half hour fight now left the Teen Titans divided into 3 different groups- the Female Tribe, the BB Tribe, and the Male Tribe.

They had all finally gone insane.

The Female Tribe (Starfire and Raven) was currently in Starfire's room.

**12:01 a.m.**

Starfire's room was pink. It had posters of outdated boy bands on the walls, as well as the remains of posters of Unicorns. She had Care Bear plush toys on her bed. There was a Powerpuff Girls carpet on the floor. Starfire had pictures of herself glued on the edges of her mirror, which was heart-shaped. She even had shelves with _Beanie Babies._

Raven wanted to vomit.

The repulsive sight just gave Raven more spiritual constipation the more she looked at it.

"Um . . . Star?" asked Raven.

"Yes, Friend Raven?"

"Could we, uh, go to my room?"

"Whatever for, Friend Raven?"

**12:02 a.m.**

The BB Tribe (Beast Boy) was hiding in a place so inconspicuous that even the author didn't know where he was at the moment she was typing this.

The Male Tribe (Robin and Cyborg) was currently in Robin's Room, plotting the demise of the Female Tribe.

**12:03 a.m.**

"We need reinforcements," said Robin.

"But where do we find them?" inquired Cyborg. "We're the only tribes in this region- us and the Enemy, I mean."

"Well . . . there's that rogue tribe that lives in the basement," said Robin.

"Oh yeah- what was it called again?"

"Um . . . ." Robin thought for a few seconds. "I think it's called the BB Tribe."

"What does 'BB' stand for?"

"I think it stands for 'Beanie Baby'"

"Ah."

"I've heard talk that the leader of this tribe is not very intelligent. Perhaps we can trick him?"

"Sounds like a good idea."

Cyborg and Robin came up with a simple yet effective plan to trick the BB Tribe's leader. Then they set out to find him.

**1:08 a.m.**

After getting lost several times in the complexity of the giant "T", the Male Tribe finally found the basement.

"Halt! Who goes there?" yelled Beast Boy.

"It is I, Macaroni, Feather of Yankee Doodle's Hat," said Robin, "and this is my fellow tribesman, Screwy McMetal Bucket O' Scrapmetal. We are otherwise known as Robin and Cyborg."

"How did you find me?" asked Beast Boy.

"We have come far and wide, across terrains of filthy underwear, valleys of rotting vegan food, following your trail of Diet Coke-"

"Okay, okay," said Beast Boy, reluctant to hear about terrains of underwear and the wasting of precious vegan food. "Then why have you come here?"

"We have come in regards to the treaty you have signed with the Male Tribe," said Robin.

"What treaty?"

"You do not remember?" asked Cyborg.

Beast Boy thought for a second. It was possible that in his temporary madness he had signed a treaty and forgot about it.

"Oh, _that_ treaty," he said.

"Yes," said Robin. "I am glad that you remember, O' great Beanie Baby leader-"

"_What?_" asked Beast Boy. "_Beanie Baby leader?_ Why'd you call me the _Beanie Baby leader?_"

Robin pointed behind Beast Boy, where there happened to be piles of Beanie Babies on the shelves on the wall. "Oh . . . ." said Beast Boy. "Well, those weren't originally mine. I found them abandoned in the Female Tribe's formal home at Starfire's Room."

"Oh," said Robin.

"And my real name is Beast Boy."

"I see. So will you join us on our quest to defeat the Female Tribe?"

Despite his temporary madness, Beast Boy could never forget what Female Tribeswoman Raven had called him; "unintelligent." Whatever that meant.

"Of course!" exclaimed Beast Boy. "When do we start?"

"First we must return to Robin's Room," said Cyborg. "Then we plan."

With their old friend back with them again, some of their sanity returned. Some of it.

**1:59 a.m. **

"We really should have a map of this place . . . ." said Cyborg, as they had once again gotten lost.

"Yeah," said Robin, as the three boys stepped into Robin's Room.

**2:00 a.m.**

"Okay," said Robin, once they had settled themselves in, "I think we should prepare a sneak attack. We could ambush them as they leave Raven's Room to search for food-"

"No, no, no," said Cyborg. "We should attack them when their guards are down. We could sneak into Raven's Room and attack while they're asleep-"

"-Do you have any idea of the horrors that lie in that place?"

"You guys," interrupted Beast Boy, "we can't hit them. They're girls."

"The green one is right," said Cyborg.

"Okay," said Robin, "then we'll just have to outsmart them!"

"Dude," said Beast Boy, "we can't outsmart them. They're _girls._"

"CURSES!" screamed Robin. "What sort of a foul Enemy is this which we cannot hit or outsmart? Surely these creatures are the works of none other than _Slade_!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg sweatdropped.

"We have to outsmart them _and _attack them!" said Robin. "It's the only way!"

"Yes, but how?" asked Cyborg.

Robin thought for a moment. "I believe that one of the Female Tribeswoman- Starfire, was it- has a soft spot for Unicorns," he said. "Perhaps we could use this against them? Beast Boy, can you-"

"No, I can't turn into a Unicorn," said Beast Boy at once.

"Why?"

"I can't turn into anything that doesn't exist-"

"-But dinosaurs don't exist and you can-"

"WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE!"

"We have?"

"YES!"

"When?"

"Will you guys shut up for a second?" said Cyborg. "I have an idea."

"What is it?" asked Robin.

"Okay," said Cyborg, "we take a piece of green construction paper, roll it up into a cone, and . . . (_whisper whisper whisper_) . . . .

**2:14 a.m.**

"Okay," said Beast Boy, "what do we do with them when we capture them?"

"I'm marrying Starfire!" yelled Robin and Cyborg simultaneously.

"I'll play you for her," said Cyborg.

"You're on!"

"Rock, paper, scissor, shoe!" Cyborg drew a rock and Robin drew scissors.

"Rock, paper, scissor, shoe!" Cyborg drew paper and Robin drew scissors.

"Rock, paper, scissor, shoe!" Cyborg drew rock and Robin drew paper.

"Yay! I get to marry Starfire! You're stuck with Raven! Ha ha!"

"Uh . . ." said Beast Boy.

"No fair!" said Cyborg. "You don't seem the type to want to marry a hyperactive ditzy alien!"

"Um . . ." said Beast Boy.

"I'd prefer to marry neither of them," said Robin. "But they are the only Females available and Raven's kinda . . . bleh."

"Guys!" said Beast Boy desperately. "What about me? How come _I_ don't get to marry anybody?"

"Dude," said Cyborg, "no one can marry you. You're an animal. That'd be a crime against nature."

"_What!_"

"Look, are you gonna help us or not?"

"Yeah," said Robin. "The treaty says you have to."

"What _treaty?_"

"The treaty you signed. It says you have to do whatever we tell you to do."

"What do I get out of it?"

"You don't have to get killed by us. This whole mess was your fault anyway."

". . . ." said Beast Boy.

"Come now!" said Robin. "Let us go attack the Female Tribe!"

"Grr . . . fine," said Beast Boy. They left Robin's Room.

**Note:** No, this is not turning into a romance fic. And PLEASE don't ask me to write another really long chapter. I get so impatient.

And no offense to Robin/Raven fans. Just look at it from the boys' point of view. If you had to choose, which one would you marry? Star or Rae? Exactly.

I'm open for suggestions for the next chappie. No, I'm not saying that I'm out of ideas . . . heh . . . (sweatdrop). But please don't get offended if I don't use them.


	11. The Confrontation

**Note:** Do you guys still believe me when I say that these things really happened? Cuz they did. Okay, I exaggerated a bit. A bit. And, in case you were wondering, I am guilty of owning shelves of Beanie Babies:) Which I don't own.

Anyway, I despise writing long chappies. I get real impatient and tired and I start writing the word "shoe" instead of "shoot." Besides, the shorter the chappies are, the quicker I can post them.

Some notes:

**Mew-xena:** I don't know what would happen to this chappie if it wasn't for your suggestion. Appreciate it!

**Jetkitty2001: **Curse your sister for winning that Chii dress! But I'm getting a better one! Ha! . . . . Anyway, I really hope you find your costume. Don't give up, Hikari!

**Um. . . . other Note: **Does my summary sound too much like a commercial? DO YOU SEE HOW THEY INFLUENCE ME?! AHHH!

**2:15 a.m.**

Raven's Room was bathed in the warm glow of the fire in its center, as well as the many lit candles. Raven's biggest statue was against the far wall. It was an 8 ft. tall statue of a dragon. Two lone Beanie Babies sat on its shoulders. Its claws were painted with pink nail polish. Its lips were crudely colored in blood-red lipstick. Its tail was tied with a pink ribbon in a bow. Its waist was wrapped in a tutu.

It was wearing a bra.

Starfire and Raven were both on the ground, kneeling before the offensive statue. Raven was in her usual garb, except she painted black stripes on her hands, legs, and face. Starfire, however, was dressed just like Raven, stripes and all. Their hoods covered most of their faces. They looked like cult women.

"O Great Laresha, Goddess of the Amazons, we are at your service!" they chanted. "Please give us orders, so that we may blindly follow them!"

"_My children_," the statue seemed to say. "_My beautiful, precious children . . . I want you to kill the men._"

"Yes, Goddess!"

"_Sacrifice them to The Cause!_"

"The Cause! The Cause!"

"_Go, now!_"

Raven hesitated. "But shouldn't we plan first-"

"_I SAID GO!_"

"Yes, Goddess!" They both ran out, grabbing spears made of old broomsticks and Starfire's nail files as they went.

"_Finally!_" thought Laresha, Dragon Goddess of the Amazons. "_A moment alone to think about- wait . . . hold on a minute . . . to think about. . . .Oh, that's right. I'm a figment of those crazy girls' imagination. I don't exist._"

And with that, Laresha, Dragon Goddess of the Amazons, _vanished. _

**2:21 a.m.**

Robin looked around a corner.

"The coast is clear," he said.

He moved forward. He was closely followed by Cyborg, who was leading what looked like a green Unicorn. Well, okay, it wasn't a Unicorn. It was a green horse with a green paper cone attached to its forehead with tape. It was also decorated with pink ribbons tied in bows.

Robin led them to the big T.V. room. However, it was no longer called the T.V. room. Robin repressed the painful memory of losing T.V. Now he just called it The Big Room. Robin walked up to the T.V. and touched it. He immediately felt a sense of love . . . and loss.

"Hey, Macaroni!" said Cyborg.

"What?"

"I think I hear someone coming!"

"Quick! Hide in front of The Big Purple Squishy Thing!"

They hid in front of the couch, Unicorn included, just as Starfire and Raven walked in.

". . . so that is how Tamaran got its flag," Starfire was saying.

"I see," said Raven. "What does the banana symbolize again?"

Robin suddenly jumped out from his hiding spot.

"Hi there!" he said. "Would you like to purchase a Unicorn?"

"YES!" squealed Starfire before thinking properly. (Does she ever?)

Cyborg brought out the "Unicorn."

"Order your Unicorn today!" continued Robin. "Just $19.95! A brand-new Unicorn for only $19.95! But wait! There's more! Order within the next 10 minutes and you get 3 replacement horns _absolutely free!_ That's a $60 value for only $19.95! That's right, folks! Just $19.95! You get this elegant Unicorn and 3 replacement horns for the measly price of _just $19.95!_ Call now!"

"Oh, I shall!" cried Starfire, forgetting that the phones wouldn't work, or, well, the fact that she forgot what a phone was.

"Starfire, you ignorant alien ditz," said Raven. Starfire looked at her. "Unicorns aren't _green_."

Starfire felt like an idiot.

"Of course!" she said. "You are correct, Amazonian Sister Raven. They are white!"

"They must have used the animal-morphing abilities of the Betty Boop Tribe to trick us!" said Raven.

Suddenly, a small, green flea jumped off the green horse and turned into a skinny green boy.

"I am _not _the Betty Boop Tribe!" he roared. "I'm the Beanie- I mean, the Beast Boy Tribe!"

**2:24 a.m.**

"Is that a horse?" asked Raven, pointing at the green horse behind Beast Boy.

"Why, yes it is," said Robin.

"Why is it green?" asked Starfire.

"We dyed it green," said Cyborg, "but it was originally white."

"Why didn't you just use Beast Boy?" asked Raven.

"And if it was originally white, why did you dye it green?" asked Starfire.

"And where did you get it from?" asked Raven.

The 3 boys just stood there for a few seconds, pondering these questions.

Then Robin said, "Don't you see? They're using mind tricks to confuse us! _Just like the commercials used to!_ WE MUST ATTACK!!"

He turned his back to all of them for a second. When he faced them again, he had replaced his mask with Jason's. He was wielding a chainsaw, which was roaring louder than Hurricane Buttercup. "!!!!!!!!!!" he cackled.

"I thought we had no electricity!" yelled Raven over the noise from the chainsaw.

The chainsaw suddenly died.

"CURSE YOU AND YOUR MIND TRICKS!" he yelled, quickly turning around to switch the Jason mask with his original one and then turning back to face them again. "Screwy! Betty! Capture them and GAG THEM!"

"I told you, it's not Betty it's-" Beast Boy stopped short when, to his horror, he saw that the Female Tribe was wielding weapons- primitive spears made of used nail files and old broomsticks.

"AMAZONIANS, ATTACK!" screamed Raven.

"AIEEEEEEEEEELALALALALALA!!!" cried Starfire and Raven.

Without the chainsaw, the Male Tribe had nothing. (Well, they _did_ have special abilities, but they forgot about those, anyway.)

They were inevitably forced to surrender to the Female Tribe.

**Note: **I'm a psycho. A PSYCHO! !!!!!!!!!! (Must avoid chocolate when typing fics.)

I bet you didn't see any of that coming, did ya? Oh, and btw, I don't own Jason, PPG, the Care Bears, or Betty Boop. (I really need to stop getting paranoid of being sued.)


	12. Dumbest Chappie Yet

**Note:** I am SO SORRY that took so long! I had to deal with midterms (cursed Chemistry!), plus I went to this 3-day-long anime convention. OMG ALL THE VOICE ACTORS ARE SO DAMN SEXY! I have a picture of the guy who plays Miroku kissing my hand. . . . *_blush*_

**Ifartinurdirection:** Dude, I LOVED your suggestion! I only used part of it, though,- the Teen Titans are FAR from reality. Oh, and Legolas would NEVER harm me! I am, after all, his wife. And if I got a cookie with his face on it, I'd preserve it and NEVER eat it! Just like that Legolas birthday cake in my freezer!

**Titansfan: **Don't worry, I have a VERY good idea for the ending…_evil grin_

**Jetkitty2001:**…I'm not even gonna say anything about your review….only that you seriously need to stop studying Geometry so hard.

**Rose: **Would you do me the honor of becoming the president of the "Commercials I Hate" list club?

Okay, that's it for now….oh, and btw, **THANK YOU ALL FOR THE GENEROUS REVIEWS! **(Except for Slade 2, who will wake up in the morning to find his Kilala plushy and his cat _gone._)

**ONWARDS!**

**2:56 a.m.**

Back in Raven's Room, Cyborg and Beast Boy struggled against their bonds, but it was to no avail. Robin didn't even try, however; he was resigned to his fate, singing softly under his breath.

"_Raindrops keep falling on my head,_

_But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red…"_

Starfire was desperately trying to wash the green dye off the poor horse, which was newly named Glorglepuff II (the first Glorglepuff was dead to her now). "Oooh…the stubborn stain will not come off!" she said.

"Um, Star? I don't think you should wash it with Diet Coke," said Raven.

"Oh, poor Glorglepuff II!" cried Starfire as she hugged the soaking horse's neck.

"_Glorglepuff II?_" said Beast Boy. "Hey, that's _our_ horse! And his name isn't Glorglepuff II! It's Orange!"

**2:57 a.m.**

"Why is it named Orange?" asked Raven.

"….Is that a rhetorical question?" asked Beast Boy.

"Why is it green? Why is it Orange? What is this, 20 questions or something?" exclaimed Cyborg.

BOOM!

Suddenly, the doors burst open, and Slade came through (dun dun DUN!)

"Well, well, well," he said dramatically. "If it isn't the Teen Titans, hiding from the storm together. How , Titans, is the day you fall…." He broke off when caught sight of the three tied up boys, the two cult women, the green horse, and the indecently decorated dragon (which reappeared the second the girls came back into the room).

There was an awkward pause in which Slade took it all in.

**2:58 a.m.**

"Mommy?" asked Robin.

**2:58-and-a-half a.m.**

"Um….you know what? I think I've come at a bad time. I'll uh… destroy you another time," said Slade as he hastily left.

"Who _was_ that?" asked Raven, confused.

""I do not know. But whoever he was, I most certainly do not think that he was the mother of Robin…." said Starfire.

"_Of course it wasn't his mother!_" said Laresha, Goddess of the Amazons, apparently. "_That was my sister Daphne, Goddess of Eyebrows! And she wouldn't be a mother! Oh, no! She insists on trying to blow everything up like some mad woman, never looking for a man…."_

As the Female Tribe listened to their goddess contradict her own anti-male ideas by complaining about her sister's lack of a husband, the Male Tribe tried to figure out how to escape.

"Okay," whispered Cyborg, "any bright ideas?"

"I've got good news," said Robin.

"You do? What is it?" asked Cyborg.

"I can't think of any way out of this. The women will dress us up in tutus and put makeup on us. They will tie us on a pole and put us over the fire. Then they will feed us to their goddess with salsa. We are all doomed."

"Dude, I thought you said you had _good_ news."

"I do. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Gecko."

**2:59 a.m.**

"DUDE, WILL YOU _PLEASE_ TRY TO CONSENTRATE?" screamed Cyborg. "FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT 'GECKO!' AND SECOND OF ALL, IF YOU COULD JUST _TRY_ TO WORK THROUGH YOUR DEMENTIA AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET OUTTA HERE, BB AND I WOULDN'T BE STUCK HERE, TIED TO _YOU,_ AWAITING OUR HORRIBLE FATE!"

"_Trying to escape, are we?_" said Laresha, Goddess of the Amazons, seemingly.

"Scream _real_ loud, why don't you, Cy? That way the stupid dragon can hear you better," said Beast Boy sarcastically.

"_Hurry up and perform the ritual!"_ said Laresha, Goddess of the Amazons.

_"The Ritual,"_ chanted the girls eerily. Raven was holding tutus, while Starfire was holding makeup (which, to the boys' horror, included_ blue eye shadow_).

_Oh, come on! This is ridiculous!_ thought Beast Boy. _Dragons don't even exist! Like Unicorns! Man, I wish_ I_ could turn into a dragon and save our butts, but I can't turn into anything that doesn't exist. _

Starfire and Raven advanced.

_Wait…I can't turn into anything that doesn't exist…but I can turn into things that _do _exist! Eureka!_

Upon this realization, Beast Boy turned into a rhino. Robin and Cyborg were momentarily crushed before the ropes ripped.

"Aw, yeah!" said Cyborg.

"Ow…I think I'm bleeding internally," said Robin, rubbing his stomach where the ropes dug in.

"_GET THEM!_" yelled Laresha, Goddess of the Amazons, seemingly. Cyborg grabbed Robin and jumped on the rhino, who then galloped away. Starfire and Raven dropped the female accessories, grabbed their spears, jumped on Glorglepuff II/Orange, and galloped after the Male Tribe.

_Curses! I'm all by myself now,_ thought the statue with the annoyingly long name that author is too lazy to type, even if this sentence is longer than that name. _Wait…the girls left and I'm still here! That means I _do_ exist-_ POOF!

**3:25 a.m.**

The Big Room was quiet save for the unremitting sounds of rain and thunder from the storm outside. Glorglepuff II/Orange walked in with the two girls on his back.

"We know you're in here!" said Raven.

"Yes! Come out and fight like a woman!" said Starfire.

"No!" said a voice.

"Shut up, BB!" said another voice.

The girls dismounted. Raven put a finger on her lips and then pointed at the kitchen cupboards. Starfire nodded and they both proceeded to the cupboards. They opened one and found it to be empty.

"Behind you!"

The girls turned around, now facing the Male Tribe.

"Didn't think to check the other 20 cupboards, did you?" asked Cyborg.

Starfire blinked. "We were going to!" she said.

"We were defenseless before," said Robin, "but now we have these!" And, behold, they were wielding frying pans and spatulas.

"Get them!" screamed Raven.

"AIIIEEEEEELALALA!"

"OOGAOOGAOOGA!"

And so, they battled. Furthermore, they battled with complete disregard to their powers, skills, gadgets, etc.

**3:51 a.m.**

Someone bumped into a cupboard and accidentally opened it. And lo and behold! In it was a half eaten old cake! The Tribes stopped fighting to look at it.

"A cake!" gasped Starfire, pointing out the obvious (somebody had to do it).

"A beautiful, moldy cake!" exclaimed Cyborg, crying.

"Tis a blessing!" said Robin, also crying.

"Yes, we must stop our fighting, and share this glorious cake," said Starfire.

"Henceforth, let this cake be known as the Cake of Peace!" said Robin, taking it out of the cupboard and placing it on the counter.

And so, the Peace Treaty of the Cake was written, and the Female Alliance was formed (the boys figured that the title had the word "male" in it and were too hungry to argue the matter, anyway).

_We, the psychotic Tribes of the Titan Tower Region,_

_Do swear to protect the Cake of Peace, to uphold the Peace Treaty of the Cake, and to unite under this Treaty. We also agree that the Cake of Peace shall be shared and that Beast Boy shall do as the other members command him, as this is all still his fault. And may the Peace Treaty of the Cake, as well as the Cake of Peace and the ample supply of Diet Coke, last for generations henceforth._

_Signed,_

_Macaroni_

_Beanie Baby_

_Screwy_

_Starfire_

_Raven_

"There," said Raven as she signed her name.

"Great," said Cyborg, "now let's eat the-"

"_What do you think you are doing?" _said a voice, making them all jump and look around.

Standing in the doorway was none other than Laresha, Goddess of the Amazons. "_My children! How _dare _you join forces with the Enemy! For shame! I order you to destroy them NOW!"_

Starfire and Raven looked at each other and nodded in a silent agreement. They walked over to the statue and picked it up. "_Wait-_ _What are you doing? Stop!"_ The girls then carried it over to the fridge and stuffed it in there.

"Well done!" said Cyborg.

"Awesome!" said Beast Boy.

"But who will you worship now?" asked Robin.

Raven smiled (a rare and creepy thing). Out of nowhere she pulled out a giant poster of Aqualad and stuck it on the wall. Then the girls got down on their knees and started worshipping him.

"_Aqualad, Aqualad, Aqualad, Aqualad, Aqualad… _(Etc.)"

"Oookay," said Cyborg.

"Um, _yeah_," said Robin. "Well, might as well start eating the- WHERE DID THE CAKE GO?"

For when he turned around, all he saw were an empty plate and a guilty looking Beast Boy next to it.

"Orange ate it," said Beast Boy.

"There are sprinkles all over your _face_!" said Robin.

"How _dare _you eat the Cake of Peace!" said Raven, who had stopped her worshipping to yell at BB.

"You have eaten all of our food and betrayed the Treaty!" said Starfire, doing the same.

"And you blamed it on the poor horse!" said Cyborg.

"I COULDN'T HELP IT!" said Beast Boy. "I WAS JUST SO HUNGRY!"

"GRRR…. YOU SHALL PAY!" screamed Raven.

"DIE, BEANIE BABY!" screamed Starfire.

Starfire, Raven, Robin, and Cyborg then proceeded to chase Beast Boy around Titan Tower and try to kill him.

And so, that is the story of how the Male Tribe and the Female Tribe joined forces to fight a common foe. Legolas rejoiced. The End. Just kidding! It's not the end….one more chappie to go!

**Note: **You know what? I kind of like the Mazda commercials, cuz they go "zoom zoom zoom-"

_Gets jumped by Rose, ifartinurdirection, and the Unforgivable._

AHH! I was just kidding! Don't hurt me, I'm fragile!


	13. Sanity Returns ?

**Note:** Wow… just… wow. Since I have posted the last chapter, I've gotten _51 reviews! _That is just insane! Sorry the update took so long…heh, ran out of pages in my notebook :P

Anyway, since so many reviewers wanted more, this will not be the last chapter. , **THIS IS THE CHAPTER BEFORE THE LAST CHAPTER, AND IT KIND OF SUCKS**. **THE LAST CHAPPIE SHALL BE HILARIOUS!** Come on, it has to end soon. If I wrote more, it wouldn't be funny anymore. I can only take it so far. I mean, you don't want to end up with another "Godfather 3," do you? (Heaven forbid.) It starts off slow, but it gets funnier.

Most of the last chapter is already typed, and I will update ASAP.

Some comments to reviewers:

**Raven's-Despair:** Your review made me LOL. Don't be afraid to admit your obsessive love for Robin! (I speak from experience. I own about 25 Legolas posters, proudly displayed on my walls.)

**Taiba:** Nothing against you, but KURAMA'S THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!!

**Rose:** That was the longest review I have ever gotten. Wow. Thanks! It gave me a great idea! (PS- I met the voice of Sesshomaru, too. And Koga. And Kiba/Vash and Hige and I WOULD have met Ed Elric, but he left early._ Sob_) But that Miroku picture almost cost me dearly. The number 1 fan of Miroku wanted me dead. She happens to be my friend at school. She hired three of my other friends to kill me in exchange for Inuyasha merchandise. Some friends I have. (I still love them all.)

**ifartinurdirection: **Your review was also flatteringly long (and _without _the lyrics of a random song!). Thank you. The "Commercials I Hate" list club shall now have 2 presidents: Rose and ifartinurdirection. Congratulations.

**Wild Spirit of Darkness2, Jetkitty2001,** **Nevermore Forevermore Titan, Alyssa8 reborn, Queen-of-Azarath, nevermoretheraven, Raven's-Despair, The Goat Man, The Unforgivable, Total Goth Girl, TitansFan, TitansQueen, ninjamonkey,** **sexyredhead, BeastBoyluver, GS Dragono, A lil' like Raven, AuroranWings**,** Taiba, ifartinurdirection, Rose, and anyone I may have forgotten (it's 1 a.m., so I probably did):** Thanks for being loyal reviewers! I LOVE YOU ALL!!

_Huggles reviewers _

Anyway, I totally LOVE IT when I get long reviews. Taking the time to type them shows me how much you liked the story. Enjoy!

**6:54 a.m.**

It took them forever to find the traitor Beast Boy (he was disguised as their horse, and it took them a while to realize they had _two_ green horses instead of one), but the Female Tribe finally caught him.

"Please! Don't hurt me! I'm fragile!" he yelled as they tied him to a chair in Raven's Room. "C'mon guys! I bruise like a banana!"

"Quiet, you!" said Starfire furiously, her stomach quite empty.

"What do we do with him?" asked Raven.

"I say we eat him," said Cyborg.

"No! Wait!" cried Beast Boy. "Why don't you guys hold the vegan food over a flame and eat it? I'm sure it's still good."

"We can't," said Robin. "Starfire and Orglepuff ½ ate it all."

"Yet it shall NEVER make up for the loss of the Cake of Peace!" said Starfire; she _desperately _needed sugar.

"Hold on," said Beast Boy, "you attack _me _because Iate a _cake_, and yet Starfire is okay even if she eats every other bit of food?"

Robin and Cyborg looked at each other. "Well," said Robin, "we don't exactly classify that as 'food'-"

"Oh, _come on_!"

"_It wasn't just any cake!_" said Starfire. "It was the Cake of Peace!"

"Star, calm down," said Cyborg.

"NO!"

Robin faced the girls. "Let's just get on with it! Prepare the ritual!" he said.

"_The ritual,_" the girls chanted eerily, holding up…a fish costume?

"We must appease our new god," said Raven in response to the confused look on Beast Boy's face.

"Oh…" said Beast Boy, rather relieved that he didn't have to wear a tutu and makeup. Plus, he had _been_ a fish, so it wouldn't be _that_ humiliating. But then he remembered that he was about to die, so he really didn't care about the costume anymore. Yeah. On with the story.

**6:57 a.m.**

"Did you hear that?" asked Robin.

"Hear what?" asked Cyborg.

"That wonderful, _wonderful_, sound." said Robin. He was _positive _he heard it. Somewhere, somehow, _a bird had chirped._

It happened again.

"Hey, I heard it!" said Cyborg.

"Where is it coming from?" asked Raven.

"It seems to becoming from outside," said Starfire.

Outside. A world they thought they'd never see again.

They all turned and walked up to the window (except poor Beast Boy). Raven opened it, and Cyborg broke the plywood. And a ray of beautiful sunshine poured in.

"SUNSHINE!" squealed Starfire. "Glorious, glorious sunshine!" She would have cried, but her Tribeswoman experiences had toughened her up. A little.

**6:58 a.m.**

"Um…you guys wanna go out for pizza?" asked Robin.

"Uh…okay."

"YES!"

"Sure."

And they flew off through the window, the girls carrying the boys.

"Hey!" shouted Beast Boy. "You guys! What about me!? HEY GUYS! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

_No fair!_ he thought. _Why do they get to go? Stupid chirping birds…that exist…wait…Darn it! Why do I keep forgetting that I can change into animals!?_

He turned into a bird, untangled from the ropes that were tied to him, and flew after the other Titans.

**7:01 a.m.**

Beast Boy arrived at the pizza place shortly after the others did, but then wished that he had remained tied to the chair. All five of them were staring at the pizza place.

It had been completely destroyed.

**7:16 a.m.**

"Well…look at that," said Robin.

"Yup," said Cyborg.

"It's completely destroyed."

"Yup."

"Amazing what a little wind and water can do, huh?"

"Yup."

Robin noticed that there were already people moving around and cleaning the streets. In fact, everything looked much cleaner than it should have been, considering the hurricane that had just come through.

"Wow, that was fast," commented Robin to a nearby civilian who was sweeping the sidewalk.

"What?" he asked.

"The cleaning," said Robin. "I mean, we only just came out here and you guys are already cleaning up everything after the hurricane. That's really great."

"Wait, you only _just _came out?" said the civilian, a look of pure shock on his face.

"Yeah, why?"

"The hurricane's been over for _days._"


	14. No

**Note:** And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you have all been waiting for; I now reveal to you the commercial at the top of my "Commercials I Hate" list, and it is….The City Furniture commercials! THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED IT FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS! And that couple swimming on the pool, WHAT THE HECK TO THEY HAVE TO DO WITH FURNATURE!

So now you know.

Anyway, I'd like to say that during the 5 months that it took me to write this thing, I feel that I have made some new friends. All of your reviews made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :_sniffle_, and now I am seriously considering becoming a writer (at the same time as being a marine biologist.) I'm sure that if we all went to the same school, we'd all be friends! (Corny Starfire moment.

Some notes:

**Laresha:** I named a character after you, just like you wanted! How come you haven't been reviewing?…Is it the bra thing?

**DS Dragono: **I can see you are very hard to impress. Don't worry, that's a good thing. I also thought it was bland except for the last part…Oh well. I hope you like this last chappie!

**Total Goth Girl:** Do you have any idea how much I complain when I see girly commercials like "Fairytopia?" My sis leaves the room every time that comes on because she knows I'll start! I know what you mean…I'm a bit of a tomboy myself. When I wore a dress to the con, my friends laughed at me and said "Dude, you look like a _girl_!" and I said "I _am_ a girl!" and they passed out. Okay, I sort of just made that up, but you get the point.

**HVK: **A Legolas statue? For me? YOU'RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND! Milkandcheesecake: "But what about me?" Daphne, Goddess of the Eyebrows: "And me? Hey I gave you that Legolas standee!" Me: "Um…." _Runs away with Legolas statue and standee._

**The Eccentric CheezySquirrel: **LOL! You're review was great! PEACES OF CAKE! I GET IT!

**Ifartinurdirection: **MONTY PYTHON IS GREAT! WOOT WOOT! You should also see some of their other stuff. Congrats on making vice president! Email me when your fic is done!

**Wild Spirit Of Darkness2: **Be careful with that "Commercials I Love" list. Someone from the "Commercials I Hate" club may jump you.

**Rose:** I can't believe you were tied to a chair and forced to watch commercials. My sympathy is with you. THE PRESIDENT OF OUR CLUB HAS BEEN THREATENED! WE MUST TAKE ACTION AGAINST HER SISTER! Hey don't let my crazy Miroku-loving friend know that you said that _you_ claim to be Miroku's number 1 fan! She'll probably hire me to kill you. Seriously, when we shared a bed once, she kept scratching me in her sleep muttering, "Die, Sango, die." Okay, I made that up, but you get the point.

**Cupcake330:** Hey, you're right, I _do_ write totally random stuff here that have nothing to do with the story! I just realized that!

Speaking of the story, ENJOY THE LAST CHAPPIE!

**7:17a.m.**

The sidewalk shook as the Teen Titans' jaws hit the ground.

"**WHAT?**"

"Yeah, where have you been?"

"B-but what about the electricity a-and the rain and stuff!" exclaimed Cyborg, waving his arms.

"Oh, well there were a few storms after the hurricane," said the civilian, "and there was no electricity because some guy named Mammoth tripped over a wire at the power plant while looking for his pet kitten, but it should be back soon."

"Well, um, okay, we'll just…go home," said Robin.

**8:06 a.m.**

The Teen Titans removed all of the plywood from the windows of Titan Tower. They were currently cleaning the mess inside. So far they had garbage bags full of vegan food containers, empty Diet Coke bottles, and even a get-well card they found on their doorstep.

(_Dear Titans,_

_Hope you all recover from your dementia soon, so that I may destroy you with a somewhat clear conscience._

_Love, Slade_)

"When I find out who did this to my statue," said Raven, removing it from the fridge, "I'll make them wear its outfit for 6 months."

"I wish we could figure out where we got this horse, though," said Cyborg, petting Orglepuff ½. "Oh well."

"I am so relieved to be rid of those _awful_ garments I was wearing," said Starfire, who had changed back into her regular clothes. "They made me look hideous and-what is that phrase-over of the weight."

Raven momentarily stopped cleaning to glare at Starfire, but she ignored her.

"If only I could remember why I put that monstrosity on," continued Starfire. "Or where my Beanie Babies are. Or why I have a sudden urge to kill them…_to kill them all…."_

Everyone stared at her, but she simply resumed cleaning.

"Well," said Robin, "I only wish I could remember where I got these rope marks from…."

BOOM!

Yet again, Slade burst through the doors (dun dun DUN! again.) And this time, he had a mind control device! (dun dun-ah, forget it.) It looked rather like a giant metal "V," but it was highly effective. This time, he was sure he would win.

"This time, Titans," he said, "I'm sure I'll win-"

"Oh, no!" cried Raven.

"It's Daphne, Goddess of the Eyebrows, coming to avenge her sister!" yelled Cyborg.

"And she brings with her the Tweezers of Doom!" screamed Beast Boy.

"No, surely not!" shouted Robin.

_Oh, curses, _thought Slade. "No, this isn't a pair of tweezers, it's-"

"You shall not harm my perfect eyebrows!" cried Starfire. (_Are_ those eyebrows?)

"Aha!" exclaimed Robin. "I _have _no eyebrows!"

Slade cast his eyes down sadly, shook his head, turned around, and walked away. _So much for the mind control device, _he thought. _It's no fun if you have to explain it to them. Or when they think you're a woman. _Outside, the Titans could hear him sobbing.

**8:08 a.m.**

"Huh…well, that was easy," said Beast Boy.

"I wonder what upset her?" asked Starfire.

"Ah, who cares," said Robin. "Someone so evil as to pluck at innocent eyebrows deserves it."

As if to complete their lucky day, the lights suddenly flickered on, as well as the-

"T.V!" shouted the Teen Titans, Robin the loudest.

He ran over to the T.V. and hugged it, yelling "Precious has returned!" But then, to his horror, he realized a commercial for Pepto Bismol was on.

"AHHH!" he yelled, jumping away from the T.V. as though it had electrocuted him. "CURSED T.V! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR A SONG ABOUT _DIARHEA!_" He turned around and pointed at Beast Boy. "This is all _your _fault!"

"_What! _How's it _my _fault?"

"EVERYTHING ELSE WAS YOUR FAULT!"

"Don't even start!" said Raven, who used her telekinetic powers to get the remote and change the channels. (All of their powers returned along with their…"sanity" :cough cough:) Now the T.V. was on a channel where "American Idol" was playing.

"Oh my goodness!" said Starfire. "It's Daphne, Goddess of the Eyebrows!"

And, indeed, Slade was on a rerun of "American Idol," singing with some girl named Rose (well, I'm _assuming_ it's a girl, considering it's a female name).

"It's Hamtaro time!

Whee! Yippie! Yeah!

Kushi-Kushi Ticky-Ticky

Hamtaro!

When we work together it's much better!

My best friend!

We love sunflower seeds krump krump krump. My Ham-Hams!

If she heads for trouble, we won't let her! Hamtaro!

Little Hamsters, Big Adventures!

Laura's gone to school, let's go to our Ham-Ham Clubhouse!

We can fix their troubles just be quiet as a mouse.

Watch out for those cats you know they're smarter than you think

But if we work together we can make their plans sink!

Hamtaro!

Snoozer, Howdy, Penelope, Panda.

My best friends!

Oxnard, Bijou, Cappy, Maxwell.

My Ham-Hams!

Dexter, Boss, Pashmina, Jingle.

Hamtaro!

Little Hamsters, Big Adventures!

Excuse me while I work out, gotta run on my wheel...

Weeeeee!

Hamtaro!

Hamtaro's here to help you!

Hamtaro!

Hamtaro's team is for you!"

When they were finally done, Slade looked at the girl and said "Rose, did someone hit me in the back of my head? 'Cause I'm seein' stars."

"Oh, Slade," said Rose, blushing, "you're so silly!"

"So what do you think?" Slade asked the judge.

"What's that?" he said. "I can't hear you right now because I've cut my ears off."

Disgusted, Raven changed the channel. It was now on the Weather Channel.

"I was on that show once," said Starfire, tears forming in her eyes, "but the judge told me that my voice was so horrifying that it could wake the dead and make them want to kill themselves again." She started crying.

"Oh, no," said Cyborg.

"What is it?" asked Beat Boy. Cyborg pointed at the T.V. All the Teen Titans looked at the T.V. and swore (even Starfire), for on the Weather Channel there was _yet another hurricane._

(It should be noted here that hurricanes are named alphabetically.) "Hurricane Cocoapuff will be coming in a week," said the weather man. "It's a Category 3 hurricane, and it is a _perfect_ hurricane, nice and symmetrical, very healthy-" Raven shut the T.V. off.

"Oh, good," said Beast Boy sarcastically. "As long as it's not sick."

"Who's gonna go shopping for supplies this time?" asked Raven. "Robin?"

"Uh…I have to go, um…water my…eyebrows," he Robin.

Raven turned to Starfire, opened her mouth, shut it, and then turned to Cyborg. "What about you?"

"Nah, I can't. I've got a date with BB."

"WHAT?" said everyone.

"I meant Bumblebee! Sheesh!"

"Well, _I'm_ not going," said Raven resolutely. "And you can't convince me. It's between you two."

"Fine!" said Robin and Cyborg.

"Rock paper scissor shoe!

Rock paper scissor shoe!

Rock paper-"

"Um…you do understand that the correct phrase is 'rock paper scissor _shoot,_' do you not?" said Starfire.

Robin and Cyborg stared at her. "How did she _know_ that?" asked Cyborg.

"Beats me," said Robin. "Ah, forget this. Let BB do the shopping."

"_What!_" said Beast Boy.

"The treaty says-"

"THERE WAS NO DAMN TREATY!"

"All in favor of Beast Boy shopping for supplies?" said Robin. Everyone but poor Beast Boy raised their hands. "Tough luck."

"Aw, _man!_ No fair!" said Beast Boy.

**8:12 a.m.**

"Well, I don't know about you guys," said Raven, but I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed." She left the room.

"Yeah, me too," said Beast Boy.

"And me as well," said Starfire. They both left.

"I'm gonna go take a bath," said Cyborg. "I smell like vegan food and horse."

He was turning to leave, but then Robin said, "But what if our water supply is still contaminated from the last few storms?"

Cyborg walked up to the fridge, took the last of the Diet Coke bottles, and left.

Robin sighed. He was far too hungry to sleep….

**8:14 a.m.**

Robin was whispering into the phone inside his room. He was currently having difficulty communicating with the person on the other side of the line.

"Okay, I want two large pizzas-"

"Could you repeat that, please?"

"Two large pizzas."

"Large?"

"Yes."

"Two of them?"

"Yes."

"Pizzas?"

"_Yes._"

"Two large pizzas."

"YES!"

"Toppings?"

"Yes. One pepperoni and one plain."

"Pepperoni."

"Yes."

"And plain."

"Yes."

"Two of each."

"Ye- no! One pepperoni and one plain!"

"Okay, so you want one pepperoni and one plain, right?"

"Oh, for the love of- YES ALREADY!"

"No sardines?"

"No."

"No pineapple?"

"NO!"

"Address?"

33675 Northeast Titan Tower, half a mile offshore."

"Offshore?"

"Yes."

"So I'll need a boat?"

"Um…I guess."

"Will I get tipped extra for this?"

"_YES._"

"What's your name?"

"Robin."

"Spell that, please."

"Robin, you know, like the bird."

"Please spell it."

"R-O-B-I-N."

"R…"

"Yeah."

"O…"

"Yeah."

"V-I-M."

"What?"

"Rovim?"

"No! There's an 'N' at the end."

"'M'? Like 'Macaroni'?"

"Wha-no! 'N'! As in 'Nazneen'!"

"Ah, okay. Rovin."

"No! 'Robin'! With a 'B'!"

"Bovin?"

"AHHH!"

Suddenly, the door of his room burst open, and the other Titans burst in. Robin quickly hung up the phone.

"AHA!" exclaimed Cyborg, pointing at Robin.

"'AHA' WHAT? I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING!"

"YOU WERE ORDERING PIZZA FROM PIZZA HUT, WEREN'T YOU!"

"NO! I WASN'T!"

"ADMIT IT!"

"NO!"

_"ADMIT IT!_"

Robin sank into his bed and cried. "I COULDN'T HELP IT!" he wailed. "IT WAS A TWO FOR ONE DEAL! _A TWO FOR ONE DEAL!_ AND THEY KEPT SHOWING THAT COMMERCIAL _AGAIN _AND _AGAIN!_ AND I WAS _SO_ _HUNGRY! _HOW COULD I RESIST!"He sobbed hysterically, his face in his hands.

Cyborg sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay," he said. "Everything's gonna be alright." Cyborg faced the reader (you). "The first step to solving a problem is admitting it."

"And succumbing to commercials is one of the biggest problems the world faces today," said Raven to the reader.

"But luckily," said Starfire, facing the reader as well, "there _is_ something you can do about it. There are people who can help."

"It's just a simple phone call away," said Beast Boy, also facing the reader, "and you can be on your way to relief."

"That's right," continued Cyborg, "just 15 minutes on the phone can could make a difference and change your life for the better."

"Call 1-800-STOP-THE-ADS, that's 1-800-STOP-THE-ADS, and we'll send you a free brochure and video explaining this unhealthy obsession and what you can do about it," said Beast Boy.

"That's right," said Starfire, "absolutely free. So please, call now." She then pointed at Robin, who was still crying. "You do not want to end up like him."

"Call now," they all said, smiling.

**THE END**

**Note: **This is the most screwed up story I have ever written. Hope you enjoyed it.

Nazneen, if you are reading this, I hope you didn't mind!

And if anyone other than Beastboyluver want to help draw a comic for this and post it online, that'd be great. (I'm pretty sure this is too long for one person to draw.)

Oh yeah, and there MIGHT be a sequal. But it probably wouldn't be as funny. No promises. and I don't own the Hamtaro theme song, American Idol, or Bepto Bismol.

So there. Hope to see your reviews again!

Love, Nims

_Runs away screaming "I'M COO COO FOR COCOAPUFFS!"_


End file.
